This
week is National Infertility Awareness Week. This week unites millions of
Americans who want to remove the stigmas and barriers that stand in the way of
building families. That description comes from the infertility awareness
website but it also perfectly describes how I feel about the whole infertility
situation. There is no reason that there should be any stigma attached to
infertility, yet in 2018 it is still a taboo subject for many.
When
Jarrett and I revealed our struggles to conceive we were met with an outpouring
of love and support from family and friends. That didn't mean we didn't receive
our share of opinions and suggestions on the subject. Let's go through the
list the greatest hits shall we.
"Why
don't you just adopt?"
"Not
everyone is meant to be parents."
"Oh
you just think you have to have a baby that looks like you."
"Why
should I pay for your choice to have IVF?"
Some
of those comments were from strangers, some from those closer to us. Now the
responses I wanted to give were not the nicest of thoughts. I kept
them to myself because comments like the ones I listed most often came from
well meaning, but uninformed individuals.
If
you have never dealt with infertility you can't fully understand the struggle.
There are a lot of misconceptions about those who face infertility. Here are
just a few.
We
chose IVF because we think adoption is beneath us.
-
Completely not true. Adoption was an option that we looked at, and still
consider. The cost of adoption is just as expensive (in most cases it cost
more) as IVF and it to does not guarantee a child. Adoption is not as easy as
people would like to believe. Too often our favorite TV shows makes it look as simple
as calling an agency and then 2 weeks later you have a perfect infant
in your arms. Before you tell someone to "just adopt" please
know the process of adoption.
When
IVF is covered by insurance it will cause rates to increase.
-
Not true. A lot of employers found when they added infertility coverage to
insurance plans that cost decreased.
Destroying
leftover embryos from IVF is the same as an abortion.
-
That is false . Just because an embryo is created does not mean it would even
implant once transferred. An embryo are simply cells.
IVF
patients just want to play God.
-
This remark has been made too often. IVF patients are simply doing what anyone
else with a disease does. We seek treatment for our issues. Yes, I had the
chance to choose which gender of embryo I transferred. Yes, I had the opportunity
thanks to genetic testing to know my child had the correct number of
chromosomes. That wasn't playing "God." That was making the best
choice for my future child. I call that being a parent.
The
good news in all of this is that overwhelmingly the number of people
out there understand IVF is simply a means to have a baby. This is sadly
because the number of people with infertility issues is growing. Most people
know someone who have underwent IVF or have gone through the process themselves.
Slowly the stigma surrounding IVF is beginning to lessen. This is a key element that is needed in order to
keep rights for infertility patients.
If
you are reading this and wanting to know how to help those with infertility it
is easy to do. Have a heart. #Haveaheart is the official campaign of
RESOLVE, which advocates for infertility patients. It means several different
things but to me this is the thing it means most: show you care. There are many
sites out there with great advice on how to help those though the infertility
struggle.
For
Jarrett and I the best support we received were the simple things. A phone
call to just check in and let someone know you care goes a long way.
Getting
the Bundle of Joy grant was a completely different type of support. We know we among the
very few who received financial assistance. There are not many charities out
there that give out grants. If you are looking for a great charity to support I
can't say enough about Bundle of Joy. This charity assist couples in North
Carolina through the REACH clinic. Our baby will be the 14th baby born thanks to
the charity.
I
promised in the title of this blog post that we would reveal the gender of our
baby. When the time came to reveal the gender to family and friends we want to
do something that would show our journey. We also wanted it to give hope to
anyone going through infertility when they watched it. Jarrett is TV producer
so he put his production skills to work. Thanks to his hard work
and some assistance from two very special people, we had our one of a kind
gender reveal. You won't see this on any Pinterest search but you can see it
here....
Baby Glass Gender Reveal
